Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Just cropdusted the office
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
