who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
