I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
