So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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