i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
