Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize