Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
