I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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