On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I want to be your penis for a week.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
