i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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