She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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