You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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