Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
