One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
