I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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