Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
