How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
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It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
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I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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