I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
