How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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