Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
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