I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
