I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
