If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I love you. Go after that dick
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
