so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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