if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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