I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
