"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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