the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
