So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It's shark week go big or go home
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
