If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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