Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
