Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
