So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
