Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
