Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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