Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
