God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
