hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
