Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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