so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
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The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
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I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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