I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
