I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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