Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
