Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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