tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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