Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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