I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
