i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
