Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
