I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
