Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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