He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
