They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
