When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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