i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
