so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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