In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
