life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
