I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
