Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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