overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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