I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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