What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
