first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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