Taylor Swift is so right about you.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
