From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
