So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
