All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize