Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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