Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
