what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
